Lord, help me

how is it that i just met this dude yesterday and yet i can't stop thinking about him. i'm fantasizing about us going out on dates, and he hasn't even asked me for my number. i saw him in the hall this morning and he said he was going to stop by and chat a little later, and i got all giggly inside, smiling like an idiot. how can i POSSIBLY have a crush on him and i've only known him for 24 hrs?? i don't know anything about him, we've only spoken for a grand total of roughly 30 minutes, he hasn't even expressed any real interest in me. yet my mind keeps wandering to him.

the funny thing is that when i saw him in the hallway this morning, he's not as cute as i remembered him being yesterday. i mean, he's not unattractive, but for some reason, he seemed cuter yesterday. but i'm still attracted to him. attraction for me is more than just physical looks. i've met many dudes who are super-hot looks-wise, but i'm not attracted to them at all. but this guy, whose looks are average, i find that i'm very attracted to and want to know him more. and i'm excited about the thought of him stopping by to talk later.

i keep telling myself to get a grip, it's really not that serious, and that this dude could be some psycho jerk (given my track record with guys, i certainly wouldn't be surprised). i mean, he hasn't even said he's interested, hasn't asked me for my number, hasn't asked me out.

i've concluded that i'm so cuckoo about this because i'm lonely. i want someone. and it's the first time in a long time that a guy i'm attracted to is actually paying some kind of attention to me (even though he hasn't expressed an interest in seeing me outside of the workday - yet). usually, a guy pays attention to me and is interested in me, but i'm not remotely attracted to him or interested like, the last guy. or more often than i care to think about, i'm attracted to a guy who pays no attention to me whatsoever, doesn't even glance my way, or is married, in a relationship, or has kids.

i'm praying hard about this, that i don't act off of emotions and that i let God choose my mate for me, as He has intended it to be. when we tend to act off of emotions and how we "feel," it's easy to get swept up into the wrong person. i'm getting too old for this fly-by-night dating stuff. i'm looking for the real thing. and i don't trust myself to be able to recognize the real thing. my history has proven that, what with all the wrong ones i've given my heart to. and i certainly don't trust any man's word when it comes to matters of my heart. i trust in God and God alone because He can foresee things that i'll never know. someone can SEEM so perfect for you and be so wrong for you. only God can know who He has chosen for me. and i'm trusting in Him to let me know, when the time is right.

so this guy...*sigh*. i'm trying to wipe this stupid grin off my face and concentrate on my work. i'll let God lead and see where things go. whatever happens or doesn't happen, may His will be done, and i'll be grateful for whatever outcome. i prayed about the last dude, for God to show me if he was good for me, and boy did God ever show me how wrong he was for me! so i'm fully confident that these prayers will be answered to, in due time.

so ms. dragonfly will have to be patient and not let my emotions lead me. being led by emotions will get you in trouble every time. believe me.