standing alone

one of the greatest lessons i've ever learned is not to ever depend on anyone, ever. at least, not to the point of having great expectations from them. everyone, even those you love, are only human. and humans are innately incapable of being all that you want them to be. we're imperfect, we're flawed, we err, we drop the ball. it's just the way it is. and having great expectations from people, no matter who they are, will only set you up for a great disappointment.

so i've learned, and am still learning, to look at everyone the same. doesn't matter how long i've known you, how nice i've always been to you, how nice you've always been to me - people are people are people are people. and people let you down. i think we all have a tendency to expect the best out of people, to get back what we give. but i've learned, and am still learning, that you don't always get what you give. and people don't always give you their best. so you can choose to accept that, process that any way you can, and move past it. or you can dwell on it and keep having expectations, and subsequently keep getting disappointed.

i've chosen to accept the fact that things don't always turn out the way i'd want them. i've chosen to accept the fact that love certainly does not conquer all, no matter what they say. i've learned that you can give the best of yourself and still get the worst from others. i've learned that as much as i really dig some people in my live, they let me down sometimes. and i let them down sometimes. so the only ones we have to depend on are ourselves and God. and heck, even i let myself down sometimes, so i guess i can only truly depend on God. HE has never failed once, in anything, anywhere, at anytime.

things may not always turn out how i'd want them, but i thank God for knowing what is best for me, because i sure don't. we create images in our minds as to how we want our lives to turn out, but God's plans for us totally trump any plans we have for ourselves. and His plan is the best fail-proof plan.

i don't pretend to have all the answers. sometimes when things happen, i understand right away or after a little time. sometimes God lets me know exactly why He closed a door in my life. other times, i have no idea why things turn out the way that they do. i just accept the temporary disappointment, cry if i need to, then move on with my life. disappointments are as abundant as oxygen.

that's just the way it is.