once again

why do men feel a need to lie? or rather, lie by omission, i should say. lying by omission, meaning omitting truthfulness in a deceptive way, is just as bad, if not worse, than just flat out lying to my face. and i just don't understand why, in 2006, soon to be 2007, there are still grown men (and women, to be fair) who can't just be real and tell the truth to avoid drama.

this guy i met has been heavily pursuing me. he calls several times a day, always wants to see me, tells me he thought about me all day, yadda yadda yadda. at first, my interest in him was valid, to a degree, although i didn't know him very well and am always cautious and slow to get interested in any guy. so i was attracted to him, but pretty much left it at that until i started to really get to know him. he said he was single, was attracted to me, thought i was really cool, blah blah blah. well about 3 weeks into us talking and getting to know each other (and by that time, i was not really 'falling for' this guy yet, but my curiosity was growing), i started to notice that i never heard from him on the weekends, only during the week. so i, naturally, started to get suspicious. then one day, he casually mentioned that he really wanted to see me that particular night, because he would be having "company" all weekend and wouldn't be able to see me. so, seeing as how he was still very new to me, i didn't feel like i should probe into exactly what kind of "company" he was having at his place all weekend. but because he was so vague and my momma didn't raise no fool, i knew without a shadow of a doubt that his "company" was a female.

i was right.

one night, i guess he felt like it was time to start to clue me in on his background situation, so he ever so casually mentions that his "friend" wants to move in with him, and how he said absolutely not because he liked living alone. but he was very careful to not reveal the gender of the friend, i guess to make me think it could be either male or female. so, tired of the charade, i just asked, "is this friend a female?" and he told me it was, and wasn't really revealing anything else. so again, tired of the charade, i prodded. "...and is this 'female friend' someone you're dating?" he tells me "not really...she's a very close friend, but i've known her for awhile. she lives in baltimore so i dont think it's really going anywhere anymore because we don't live near each other." he used to live in baltimore, where he's from, but has since moved. and now that they live a little ways away from each other, things have begun to fade, as he says.

i decided at that very moment that i was done with him.

he insists to me every day that this woman is just a "friend" and they're not in a relationship. but any woman who misses you so much during the week that she suggests moving in with you because she doesn't like the long-distance, and not only that but comes to stay with you just about every weekend, is not just a "friend." they may not have titles or what have you, but they sleep together, there's obviously some feelings involved if she wants to live with you, and that, my friend, does not a friend make. and what about her? HE may just think of her as a friend, but i am a woman, so i know women pretty well....if she suggests moving in with you because she wants to eliminate the long-distance factor, she thinks of you as more than a 'friend'. she clearly cares about this dude. and yet, he's over here trying to get with me. and of course she doesn't know that, so i'm now a secret, pushed into the background every weekend when she's in town. F- that. i'm not about to be anyone's weekday entertainment, a substitute during the week because she's not here. then when she's here during the weekends, i don't exist to him. then the minute she leaves, he's blowing up my phone again. negro, please.

so everything i just wrote above i told him straight up. i'm worth more than that. if this woman is consistently in your life and you care for her (which he admitted) and you sleep with her regularly, and she stays with you almost every weekend, she's more than just your friend, which means there's no space for me. he should have told me this from the very beginning. better than that, he shouldn't have been pursuing me in the first place knowing his situation. i'm special...i'm not going to be your monday through thursday. then she's your friday through sunday, rotating us in and out your box.

the good news is that i'm fine. i'm not hurt, not bitter, not angry - annoyed but not angry. he's too new to be stressing me out. i haven't known him long and i had no feelings invested in this (other than a physical attraction to him). and now that i know the games he plays, there is no attraction whatsoever anymore. he still calls me just about every day. and we inevitably get on the subject of 'us' in which he tries to convince me that i'm making more out of this situation with this other woman than what is really there, and that they're not seriously involved. but i'm no idiot. if he still has her in his life, he's holding on to something, despite how he tries to downplay it. and even though i don't know this woman at all, other than her first name, i feel a need to protect her and look out for her. she obviously cares about him (she drives 40 mins to come see him and stay with him almost every weekend and wanted to move in with him). so he talks about her nonchalantly like she doesn't matter that much to him, but i guarantee that he means a lot to her. and she has no idea that he's trying to get something started with someone else (me). so i have to look out for her and her feelings and i'm not contributing to that. whatever happens with the two of them is their business, but i want no part of any kind of relationship with him. even if they stop seeing each other, he has proven his lack of character, and a man like that has no place in my life. it's just a matter of time before i tell him to stop calling me.

i'm just thankful that i found all this out before i started to have feelings for him. so i'm chillin - i'm not hurt by any means, because it was just way too early and new for all that, and he's not worth the emotion. but i'm annoyed that once again, i've met a grown man in his 30s who can't be honest because he's trying to have his cake, several cakes, and eat them too. once again i've met a grown man in his 30s who should have long ago outgrown playing games. once again, i've met a grown man in his 30s who doesn't know what the hell he wants. once again. grrrr.