snowed in

tomorrow, the DC area is supposed to get at least a foot of snow, with some areas getting almost 2 feet. this is about the 5th time it has snowed this winter. it JUST snowed several inches tuesday night.

though i'm not a big fan of snow because of the inconvenience of it all (it's wet and messy, i hate digging my car out and having to clean it off, it's slippery and scary and hard to drive and walk in), it is a lot of fun to be snowed in.

the last really big snowstorm we had in december when it snowed over 12 inches, i had a blast being holed up in my apartment for several days. i got a lot of things done that i had been putting off for months. but since i had nowhere to go and couldn't get out if i wanted to, i used that time to finish unfinished projects. plus it was fun to watch the heavy snow pile up so beautifully outside my window.

so i'm looking forward to being snowed in again this weekend. it's supposed to start tomorrow morning sometime which i hope means that i get to leave work early. and i also hope that the ministry meeting i have at church tomorrow night will get canceled (sorry, but i'm just not in the mood and really don't feel like going). i can't wait to get home, open the curtains and blinds tomorrow afternoon/evening and watch the snow fall. i can't wait to catch up on the piles of laundry i need to wash, cozy up in some fresh pjs, bake some cookies, sip some tea and curl up with my favorite baby girl and a good movie.

it will be blissful :-)

speaking of winter weather, i mentioned in a previous post that i'm going through my own winter season right now. i'm experiencing a season of loss - which we all do from time to time. in everyone's lives, there's a time of plenty and a time of lack; a time to reap and a time to sow; a time to gain and a time to lose. this is my winter in a lot of areas but namely financially and relationally.

finances have been in hardship ever since my maternity leave. then on top of that, i was in a car accident that destroyed my car that i wasn't even finished paying for yet (though i was on the last leg of that race). so now i'm forced to expense a rental car if the other insurance company doesn't reimburse me, and i'm forced to buy a new car. as i was almost finished paying for my old car, i'm really bummed out to now have to start over with a new car note. i was really looking forward to not having to pay for a car anymore and have that extra almost $300/month to save. plus now, my paychecks are taking a hit because i have to pay back the medical insurance coverage i received while out on maternity leave. since during leave i wasn't getting paid, no deductions were being made from payroll for my medical benefits. but i was still being given the option of having medical coverage during that time. so after i returned to work and was put back on regular payroll, i now have to reimburse the company for the medical benefits they provided while i was on leave. so right now i'm paying for my current medical coverage, plus what i owe from the coverage i received on leave. AND the rates of my insurance increased considerably due to a general rate increase for the provider, PLUS now i'm covering my daughter which is even more expensive.


all this and my salary is still the same....


on top of all that headache, i'm dealing with the emotional turmoil of a failed pseudorelationship that was or wasn't in the first place, and trying to figure out how to coexist and raise a child with someone that i can't stand to look at much these days.

however, i began to think about how even during this winter season of mine, where the well has run dry, where i'm experiencing plenty of lack and am lacking plenty, and where i have lost so much, God still is providing.

though my finances have been attacked, God has provided in SO MANY ways to meet my needs. in a week's time, a good friend of mine and my father both blessed me with gift cards to my favorite natural food store, just because. it wasn't Christmas, it wasn't my birthday, they both just said "Here!"

that saved me so much money, since groceries can be so expensive. i was also given Christmas gift cards to places like Target to get anything i needed for home, myself or the baby, which helped me out a lot. plus, since my car was totaled, i didn't have to pay a car payment in january which saved me all that money. these are just a few ways that God has blessed me - there are so many other instances where He has blessed me through other people. He has taken care of me and carried me through these difficult months. so though it's been rough, every bill gets paid, i can still afford my rent, my baby is still well-cared for. and i'm blessed to have the privilege of breastfeeding because it really saves me a lot of money. ONE CAN of baby formula is over $20 in most stores!! if i couldn't breastfeed for whatever reason, my baby's meals would be awfully expensive. so i thank God that my body functions very well and is continually supplying my daughter with nutritious milk every single day.

and though my personal/relationship life is in upheaval, the Lord has sustained me. i really do feel His peace right now and the peace of surrender. there's something so freeing in totally surrendering. i don't know what is to come, i'm hurt and confused, but i know that NOTHING happens that God doesn't allow. and i'm using this time to draw closer to Him. i know that no matter the outcome, He will take me where He wants me. He will bring resolutions, clarity and peace. when others leave me and make me feel unworthy, unspecial, unbeautiful and unloved, God shows me His love and reminds me that He thinks of me and has plans for me, He's near me, He finds me beautiful and special. He will move on my behalf and do what is HIS best for me, even if it's not what i would have chosen for myself. His peace is sustaining me. His strength causes me to walk upright every day. His joy is the lifter of my head.

i liken all of this to the winter time in our land. even though it's cold, the leaves have fallen off the trees, the ground is frozen and covered in snow, God still provides food and warmth for the creatures of the earth. even during the season where everything is cold and dying, dormant and not blossoming, God provides for His little creatures. He has created nature in such a way that even during the winter months, things still live on. they still thrive.

and even during the winter seasons of my life, God still provides. it's cold and some of my ground has been frozen; some things in my life lie dormant and are not blossoming. but nevertheless, my God still makes me to thrive.

He is my shepherd, and I shall not want. He still makes me to lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul.

He is my warmth and comfort in the rain and in the snow. and when my well runs dry, He brings me Living Water.