the notion of "giving"

a comment from another blogger on a slightly different topic sparked this desire for dialog on this subject.

are some things "given" to us by God? or are some things simply the fruits of our doing, because of God's design?

i'm specifically speaking about reproducing - aka having children. whenever a baby is conceived, we always say, "God gave me/him/her/us this child."

and while that COULD very well be true, i'm not always inclined to believe that in every situation.

why not? because, simply put, God designed our bodies to be able to reproduce. period.

He created a natural process in us, that, even when we take it upon ourselves to do things our own (and sometimes sinful) ways, He does not always step in to prevent or interfere.

just because He ALLOWS, does not mean He GAVE. to me, there is a huge difference.

if i may be raw and transparent for a moment, take me and my pregnancy for instance.

i got pregnant because i chose to sin and have sex before marriage. God designed me, as a woman, to be able to bear children. i chose the action and therefore the natural process that God put in order in me bore the fruit of this baby. there is no part of me that thinks God necessarily GAVE me this baby or caused me to get pregnant. He allowed it to happen because He allows me to have the freedom to make my own decisions, even poor, sinful decisions.

now don't get me wrong: i view my pregnancy as a huge blessing - now. and i firmly believe that even from our sins, God can bring goodness and huge blessings, as well as glory to Him, because that's just the kind of God He is. however, though He is all-knowing and could foresee my actions, He didn't will or choose for me to sin. therefore, i don't believe He chose for me to have this baby or "gave" him/her to me. He allowed it. again, there's a difference.

another example:

if an 11-year old girl has sex and gets pregnant - would you say that God "gave" her that baby?

some might. i wouldn't.

if an unmarried woman who has no means of supporting herself has baby number 7 (with father number 5), would you say that God "gave" her each of those children?

some might. again, i wouldn't.

if i had a one-night stand with a guy i met in a club, and i got pregnant, could i say, "well, God gave me this baby" ?

a lot of people DO say that. i can't get with that notion.

if a married man has an adulterous affair with another woman and impregnates her, would you say that God GAVE her that child?

some might. again, i wouldn't.

even when the consequences are major, God sometimes allows. not necessarily "gives."

if i jump off a building and die upon hitting the ground, could i say that God wanted me to die? that God wanted me to "come home to heaven" because if He didn't want me to die, He would have stopped me from dying after i chose to plummet to the ground? No. God designed this universe to work a certain way, and gravity is part of that design. if i chose to take my life, sure, God can ALLOW me to die (and He could just as easily prevent it because He has the power). but does that mean He WILLED it? NO. just because God has the power to do things does not mean that He will always step in and exercise that power to prevent us from reaping the consequences of our choices.

i have a hard time believing that God "gives" children in circumstances that He doesn't approve of or desire for us to be in in the first place. could God step in and prevent a conception from occurring in any of those sinful situations? absolutely! and i'm sure He has at some points. but does He always? No.

it was not God's desire for me to sin and have sex before marriage. it is not God's desire for an 11-year old child (unmarried of course) who is not even finished growing herself, to have sexual relationships and bear children. the only exception was Mary, the mother of Jesus, who was quite young and unmarried. but the difference was, Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit, not out of a sexual relationship. THAT conception was God-given and willed by God.

every other conception on this planet? not so much.

that is not to say that babies shouldn't be cherished and loved. do i see my unborn child as a gift? absolutely! despite the sin that brought about the baby's conception, i already love him or her with all my heart. and i can now celebrate this blessing of this child growing within me and call him or her a gift because the stain of my sin is gone and i've been forgiven. and i believe God can turn a sinful situation INTO a blessing, as i believe He is already doing.

God can turn the pregnancy of an 11-year old girl into a blessed situation. God can bring blessings out of the conceptions and births of a single woman having multiple sexual partners and thereby having multiple children. God can bring blessings from a baby conceived out of an adulterous affair. He loves each and every one of us in spite of the fact that He hates our sins. and He loves children, despite how they were brought forth into this world.

but we have to be careful about what we "assign" to God's name and claim that He "gave" to us. we make choices, so sometimes, the reality is that we give to ourselves.