the balance beam

today is one of those days when i feel so accomplished on the outside and like a wretched failure on the inside.

i've gotten so much work done today, things i've been putting off for a little while, could cross off a ton from my 'to do' list (sidebar: do you ever add stuff that you've already done to your 'to do' list, JUST so that you can cross it off and make yourself feel more accomplished?? lol...or is it just me..?)

anyway, i blocked out most distractions, email, blogging, phone calls, and just worked my little stinger off. on the outside, i've accomplished much to be proud of.

on the inside, i don't like me very much today.

for starters, i've barely acknowledged my Father today in prayer - i think i talked to Him briefly and distractedly this morning on my commute. but in all my busyness, i haven't taken a moment to just acknowledge Him all day - and it shows. whenever i skimp on doing that throughout the whole day, i feel it, and my day reflects it.

secondly, i let myself get pulled into a rather ungodly conversation at work today that i am ashamed to have been apart of. how in the world can i represent Christ when i can't keep my mouth shut when it needs to be shut? where is the Light of Christ in me when i'm laughing at inappropriate things that i shouldn't be laughing at? especially when people know Whom i serve...wow. way to represent God today, Dragonfly. i feel like i need to wear a t-shirt that says "i am a total fraud" sometimes.

everyday i'm walking that beam, that fine line between "in" the world but not "of" the world.

so i've crossed many items off my daily tasks 'to do' list, but clearly i need to make a spiritual 'to do' list and get cracking on that one.

tonight, when i come crawling on my knees to my Daddy, i think i've got some 'splainin to do...