feeling convicted and annoyed

*thank you, Holy Spirit. You make me a better person*

one of my coworkers just got back from a dentist's appointment, in which i believe she had to have a minor procedure done. so i think she's a bit sore.

however, she got on my nerves awhile ago, so i wasn't exactly feeling all that compassionate. and i didn't ask her how she was feeling.

i'm a horrible person.

i realized that when people get under my skin, i tend to let my compassion and lovey feelings vanish. that is NOT how God has called us to be. i'm sure i get on God's nerves every day of my life, but He never loses His love and compassion for me. how dare i be apathetic towards someone else, just because she irritated me (though i DID have just cause to be highly bothered by her. i really don't feel like typing out the drawn-out explanation).

so when i realized that she must be feeling icky (dental procedures suck), i felt really badly that i had shown no interest in her prognosis or well-being upon her return. thank God for reminders and for always working on my character. still, i feel badly because at this stage, i really shouldn't have to be reminded of such things - some things should be automatic by now, no?

why do i always have to re-learn a lesson over and over? i'm like that kid who is always in detention. sheesh. (fyi, yes, i did allow God to soften my hard, stone of a heart and i inquired about her condition. and i was mostly sincere, lol)

speaking of dentists:

SEE - i was TRYING to be good and take off my Procrastinator Extraordinaire cape today, and actually accomplish something i have been putting off for months - my biannual check-up and cleaning. i was due for that in november, but i broke up with my former dentist and i kept putting off finding a new one. why did i break up with my last dentist, you ask? because they were way less than supportive and helpful in the follow-up after my wisdom teeth surgery - their 'after care' REEKS! i was in agonizing pain b/c i had dry socket and i had to practically beg and cry on the phone for them to call the oral surgeon (who only works ONE day a week - wth??) to come into the office and see me. plus the office staff had rancid attitudes. so i decided to take my teeth elsewhere. here ends my digression.

so anyways, i'm trying to be a good little dragonfly and schedule the appointment i have been putting off, and the lady on the phone is asking me all kinds of questions i can't answer about my insurance (our insurance changed its name and she's claiming she's never heard of it, LOL). great, now i have bootleg insurance that no one has heard of before and i'll no longer be the only woman in DC with teeth.

so she tells me to find out more information from my insurance company about whether it's a PPO, or an XYZ or an LMNOP. clearly, this lady isn't familiar with how i roll. actually taking the time to make the phone call and wrack my brain to come up with an acceptable day to take off work to go was hard enough. now she wants me to do research and make MORE phone calls?

as if.

and whatev.

i knew it wasn't all my fault. people PUSH me into procrastination.