sick and twisted

there must be something wrong with me.

i can't stop thinking of Robert*. even though i honestly have no desire to be with him (relationship-wise), i found myself laying awake last nite picturing us together, finishing some of the really personal in-depth conversations we've started (he calls me every day at work and we email back and forth - clearly i haven't been productive lately).

i get so excited when he calls or comes to visit. i am so lame, i know. but i can't help it. there's something so magnetic about him that draws me in. he seriously isn't even that physically attractive - i've had better. but there's this chemistry that we have that is amazing, and we haven't even been out on a date yet. it's the way he talks to me, looks at me, it makes me feel all fluttery inside. i'm diggin it. for real.

i honestly don't know if it's HIM that i'm attracted to, or if it's just the concept of having a guy pay so much attention to me, which i haven't felt to this degree in a long time. all the guys i've met/dated recently haven't given me butterflies. no chemistry, no desire to take it past date one. and yet with this guy, i find that i want to talk to him all day, even though he's a little annoying. i want to be near him and learn about him and tell him about me. i want to hug him and kiss him (neither of which we've done - seriously, our interaction has only been a few 10-minute visits dispersed throughout the day, and phone conversations at work cuz we haven't exchanged home/cell numbers yet).


this is pure craziness that i need to get over. i refuse to let myself get sucked into a situation that has no chance in hell of ever working out. i need to bottle all of this attraction and store it up for the next guy, that hopefully won't come with 4 kids, 2 wives, and a baby's mother all hanging off of his arms.


* name has been changed, obviously


this just in:

i'm on the phone with him now....*sigh* and drool...he makes my tummy hurt, in a good way :-)