such a coward

so in the past week and a half, he called me maybe once or twice. this is why i know he's not really serious about anything with me, despite what he says. that old cliche 'actions speak louder than words' is so incredibly real. i was pissed and kinda hurt by that. we have had more than several conversations about his elusive behavior when it comes to me: how one minute he's telling me how wonderful i am and how i have so much of what he's looking for, and he's calling me telling me to come outside because he's near my house. then the next minute he tells me he's scared, he doesn't know what he wants...and i don't hear from him for days.

wednesday night he calls while i'm at Fridays with my friend (well...ex-friend after that night...whole other blog). he tells me 'i'm not ignoring you...i've just been busy' ...bastard must've been reading my mind. so i just brushed off what he said because i didn't want to get into detail with my friend sitting there. but he put on his sincerest voice and told me that he's not intentionally not calling, that things have been hectic. that conversation lasted all of 45 seconds. then he was gone again. and i'm pissed because i don't buy that 'too busy' bull. how the heck can you be so busy that you don't have time to make a 5 minute phone call to someone you're supposedly so interested in, in darn near a week?? don't give me that 'too busy' ish...even if you're busy, when you're interested, really interested in someone, as he had claimed to be with me, then you MAKE time to call...i'm not asking for 4-hour marathon phone calls...just let me know you're thinking of me. that's not too much to ask at all. and the fact that he doesn't do it proves to me where his head is - not with me.

and here it is, saturday, and that drive-by phone call on wednesday was the last i've heard from him. i saw him thursday at the school briefly, on my way to my car. he called my name from across the street and ran over to where i was. we talked about school jazz for a minute but he could read my vibe and how i wasn't feeling his bs anymore without me having to say anything, and he got defensive. and i walked away.

and even after that, he still hasn't bothered to call. i'm sure he'll call when he gets bored or lonely. or IF he starts to feel guilty and wants to explain himself. but i guess you'd have to have a heart to feel guilt, and i'm not sure he has one. whatever he has, whatever he says, it's not open for discussion anymore. i'm not here for anyone's entertainment. i'm a good catch and if he's too dim to appreciate that, his loss. i'm so done.