whatever

i like him. but he's playing games. he tells me he's just 'scared'...hell i'm scared too, been hurt more times than i'd ever have liked to be. it happens, but i'm still hopeful and waiting for love, trying not to let my past sour my future. but for some reason, his 'i'm scared' seems like an excuse, like a lot of bull. he's not consistent, leaves way too much to the imagination and that mysteriousness isn't sexy to me. i like to know everything, put it all out there. don't play games with me. i'm a big girl...tell me what's up, where your head is, instead of making up excuses and trying to gain sympathy by saying you're 'scared'. i was trying to be patient and 'let God'...he claims he's praying for direction. i think he's just playing...

i'm all about praying before you make any major life decisions. but in the meantime, you should at least stack the odds in your favor so that whenever God gives you an answer, you've already positively laid the groundwork right? SO not what's he's doing. he's pushing me away, making me feel confused and unspecial. making me wonder too much, question too much, pulling me in and then when he thinks i'm getting too close, pushing me away again, building a lot of mistrust, so that IF he ever were to decide 'ok, let's do this' i'd be more scared than i am now. i'm starting to not believe a word that falls from his tongue.

so i think i'm done. i'm over it. i'm not going to be strung along, bounced from wall to wall. just have to decide if i should call and tell him that, or wait until whenever he decides to call me again.