open letter

i feel invisible.

trying to introduce me to more of your friends and family doesn't pacify me much. because the fact remains...i'm still not much of a deciding factor in your life.

i know none of this is about me. it's about the baby.

and it's about making this easier for YOU. but where does that leave me?

and i know it sounds selfish - and it is. but you have no idea what i'm feeling right now.

even when i tell you how i feel, you could NEVER understand how i feel.

i have never felt this alone in all my life. and that is something you can't relate to.

i'm tired of all of these voices telling me what to do, what not to do, how to do it, how not to do it.

i just wish everyone would leave me alone.

i know everyone means well, but sometimes, fellow Christians, i don't need to be ministered to. i don't need to be counseled. i don't need to be held accountable. i don't need to be prayed over and for.

sometimes, i just need to be loved.

right now i don't need a small group. i don't need a Scripture passage. i don't need your prayers. yes, Jesus always always always needs to be in the midst and i'm not removing Him from this situation in the least bit. and i totally understand that because of our relationship with Christ, He is inevitably at the center of our lives and everything we do.

i get that.

but church folk think they can "church away" everything. give you a church answer and that's supposed to make things better. when did people become so Christian-fied that they forgot how to just LOVE one another?

sometimes, i get tired of the Christian way. sometimes, when people are broken and hurting, they just need your love. they just need your embrace. they just need you to listen and wipe their tears away.

that in and of itself is ministry.