so today a coworker with whom i am currently slightly beefing comes to say hey, what's up to me.
i won't go into all the details about why he's probably permanently on my "list" but let's just say, he was wrong, i am pissed, he knows i am pissed, but instead of apologizing and/or trying to rectify the situation, he tries to be coy and cute, playfully telling other coworkers in front of me that i "hate" him now (which i don't, but i certainly am not that fond of him any longer), and trying to appease me with overly friendly hellos and what's ups.
to that i will forever say, "whatevs." grow up. a woman scorned is...however that saying goes. i don't have time for quotes.
but i can't stand when people do something wrong but refuse to own it and try to make amends. apologies (sincere ones) and attempts to rectify a situation go a LONG way with me and will indeed erase all ill-feelings. no matter how much you hurt me, that's my word. my tendency to hold grudges though (not that it's right or justified) is only fueled when the offender never even offers remorse. when you try to blow over stuff like it's cool when it's not AND try to be cute in the process...as my mom would say, "you have torn your drawls with me."
dude's drawls have been ripped to shreds.
so today he comes to me to say hey. i give my million-dollar dimpled fake smile and say hey right on back, and he asks me what's been up, how are things. and i respond with, "same ol', same ol'....life, i guess." and he says, "well that's good; i guess it's better than the alternative."
so i look at him with a puzzled expression and say, "the alternative meaning...death?" to which he replies, "yeah."
so i ask, "why would life be better than death?" (more on this topic and a similar on-going conversation with another coworker later)
he looks at me like i'm crazy and says, "you don't think LIFE is better than dying??"
i look at him crazy right back and say, "NO. i don't know about you, but I'M going to heaven...and heaven will always be better than this life."
he, a borderline atheist, with whom i have (unsuccessfully) tried to share Christ many times, says, "o...k....well if that's the case, why not just kill yourself now so you can go to heaven?"
HA. jokes. you're cute, sonny.
i'll spare you the subsequent dialog and my explanation as to why suicide will never be an option and how, while i know that seeing my Father face to face will always trump any goodness this life here has to offer, i enjoy life even when it sucks, and i know that i have work here, because i'm still alive...until my Father calls me home...so yeah. this is me sparing you the details...
anyway, my whole point in sharing all this was:
A: to set the stage for a discussion on life and death and how people think i'm absolutely nuts when they say things to me like, "will i see you next month at the meeting?" and i say, "God willing that i'm still alive...yes." people think i'm being morbid and chastise me as though i'm suicidal...and i'm not. but i'm also not afraid of dying because i know without doubt that i have eternal life. and i know that any moment could be my last. i don't take that for granted, so i can't ever definitively say, "i'll see you next year..." don't know if i will. it's the truth, so accept it. but that's a whole other post that will focus mainly on a conversation i had with a coworker that proves how real and awesome God is. seriously....
when i get the energy and lose a tablespoon more of my selfishness, i'll share that with you guys (not like you care anyways but whatever).
B: i shared all that to say that that would have been a good opportunity to (once again) share the good news of eternal life with my coworker. to assure him that eternal life with Christ is indeed better than temporary life on earth. to share with him exactly why i say that death is not a horrible, dark alternative to life, but is rather, as the apostle Paul said, preferred.
Philippians 1:21-25: (New Living Translation)
"For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. 22 But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. 23 I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. 24 But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live. 25 Knowing this, I am convinced that I will remain alive so I can continue to help all of you grow and experience the joy of your faith."so yeah, i could've said all that a bit more lovingly, couldn't talked about some Jesus. could've been merciful and much nicer.
but i didn't. and i wasn't. because i didn't feel like talking to him at all. because i'm angry with him. and he knows i'm angry - not in a passive-aggressive way either, we have discussed it - but he's arrogant and doesn't care to fix it.
and my "I don't know about you, but I'M going to heaven..." comment was probably way out of line. Lord, have mercy on me. i feel a little bad...a little. i'm pretty sure i'll get over it ...like.... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight ..................... now. but still, i feel bad.
perhaps.
how often do i let my emotions get in the way of my witnessing opportunities.
if i'm the only light of Christ that this office will see, they are all in deep, deep trouble. for real.
the Lord better send some backup. i'm just sayin...
P.S. yesterday it was 67 degrees here!!!!!!!! what the heck is going on?!
