Dfly : pusher of envelopes

i have a confession:

i extract quite a bit of delight in stretching the membranes of people's comfort zones. whether the topic is sex, God/Jesus, race relations, or most anything else, i enjoy making people squirm.

it's not that i delight in making people uncomfortable just for the sake of being uncomfortable, no.
however, i've found that oftentimes, after the squirming is done, the squirmers leave with something on their minds.

and i LOVE to make people think.

i've also found that the things that make ME squirm are often the very things that make me grow. so in practically forcing people to stretch beyond their comfort zones, to increase their flexibilities so to speak, i often test my own. i'm not confrontational in the least bit, and my first instinct is to run from situations in my own life that would cause me to have to confront a difficult subject (or person). but in discussing that which makes me uncomfortable, i can grow, learn and test my own strengths and courage. and i enjoy making others do the same.

people don't like to talk about "touchy" subjects. but the touchier the subject, the more engaged i become. it's the shying away from the uncomfortable conversations like sex, salvation and race that keep people bound and gagged, forever shackled in their own ignorance, fears and untruths. and i hate to see anyone in shackles.

so i enjoy opportunities to get people talking about the very things that make them blush. part of it is due to my narcissistic desire to make people see the world as i see it. i want people to see the benefit in talking about things that make their faces hot. the other part of it is due to my compassionate desire to see people grow and change for the better. we don't have to remain the way we are.

take for instance race relations/racism. why do people clam up when talking about it? i am one of the few black people in my office (and one of the 2 youngest - aside from another chick my age, everyone else here is in their 40s and up). but i don't get all uncomfortable when the subject of race comes up in discussion. i was talking about the Secret Life of Bees movie with 2 coworkers yesterday and they both seemed to be uncomfortable in discussing the racism depicted in the movie. why is that?

perhaps it's because i've grown up in a diverse area all my life, and have always gone to schools with a mixture of races and ethnicities (with exception to my elementary school). or perhaps it's because my first identity is in Christ and not in my skin. but i'm not uncomfortable nor do i feel out of place around people of other races, even if i'm the only black person in the room. now, if i were at a Klan rally, yeah...i'd be a bit uncomfortable.

but seriously, i have friends who are white and we've had many conversations about the differences between black people and white people, and the similarities. it doesn't make us uncomfortable - it's a part of life. and racism is a part of life. and horrific racist acts, past and present, are a part of life and history. instead of getting all antsy and uncomfortable, talk about it. learn about it. and move on.

it's the same thing when it comes to sex, especially amongst Christians. why are Christians so afraid of the word "sex," as if sex in and of itself is sinful and dirty?

let's get one thing understood, to all those whose eyes get big and whose faces frown up at the mere mention of anything sexual: God created sex. and He created humans to be sexual beings. and there is no shame in anything that God has created. the shame only comes when we sinfully engage in sexual acts (fornication, adultery, homosexuality, etc). but sex itself is nothing to be ashamed to discuss.

i certainly didn't come from a liberal home where sex was discussed. i still remember the hilarious and uncomfortable conversation my mother tried to have with me as a kid about sex, complete with diagrams from a book called "Growing and Changing." Lord, bless her heart. but anyway, sex wasn't something that was ever discussed in my home. i don't blame my parents, because i know it wasn't something their parents had ever properly handled with them. and we are often products of our environments. but that's sad to me. and because sex wasn't ever openly discussed in a healthy manner in my home, i grew up with a fear of expressing any of those concerns or emotions to my mother. and i suffered many consequences because of that.

i refuse to let my children suffer the same. when we instill these "taboos" and hangups in our children, they carry them into adulthood. too many single adults are clueless about sex and how it plays an important role in their humanity as well as in their walks with God. then these clueless beings get married and have kids and transport that same cluelessness and those same
hangups into their marriage and onto their kids.

parents panic when their kid asks them about sex and about their bodies. why?? then the kid grows up thinking their bodies are something to be ashamed of, and that sex is always a word to be whispered and only discussed behind closed doors between mommies and daddies. that's bull. no wonder so many people are so sexually screwed up.

i'm thankful though that the Lord has given me a boldness when it comes to discussing these things, a boldness that has overcome my upbringing. i'm not ashamed to say that i'm not a virgin. i'm not ashamed to say that i've sinned sexually but that i've been forgiven and cleansed, thanks to my faithful God. i'm not ashamed to say that i'm celibate now and it's a struggle sometimes. i'm not ashamed to say that i have sexual desires and attractions to people, even though i'm all saved, sanctified and redeemed. i'm not ashamed to say that i can't WAIT to get married so i can give my husband something he can feel :-D i'm not ashamed to say that i hope and pray that my marriage will be free from sexual constraint and that my husband and i will have a healthy, thriving sex life. i'm not ashamed to talk to people, especially young people, about the emotional side of sex and that it's so much more than just physical pleasure. i'm not ashamed to tell people that waiting for marriage is beautiful, is honorable, is exciting, is required by God, and will make your life so much richer and fuller.

and i will not be afraid to discuss all of the same with my own children, graphically and in detail.

instead of making our kids afraid of sex, why don't we openly teach them about our bodies. teach them that God has standards for our sex lives and that it's something to be enjoyed only within a marriage. period. we need to teach our kids to have a passion for purity until married, and we need to teach them the physical, emotional and spiritual consequences of sexual sin. but also teach them that if they stumble, God's forgiveness is abundant and they don't have to carry around the burden and guilt of sin forever.

we need to teach them that sex is beautiful, is honorable, is holy and pure and is nothing to be ashamed of. we just have to do it in the way that God has ordained - within the confines of marriage. but there's no harm or shame in learning, in discussing and asking questions about sex. sex should NOT be something that a person only learns about on their wedding day. not only does sex need to be understood from a basic physiological standpoint, but also sex needs to be understood from an emotional, mental and spiritual standpoint, long before anyone decides to enter a marriage. but people don't talk about it. because they're embarrassed and afraid. why?

then they get married and that same shame and embarrassment with respect to sex is still there. what a shame that is. the Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled. so why do so many married Christians not have sex? why do so many married Christians feel that sex is only for procreation? why do so many married Christians get embarrassed to discuss the emotions and issues that arise in their sex lives? many don't even discuss it with their spouses!! no wonder marriages are falling apart.

on another side, why are so many single Christians so lackadaisical when it comes to sex? so many singles in the church have sex like it's nothing. Christians are shacking and sexing like the rest of the world. i don't understand the lack of conviction when it comes to sex before marriage. but again, it's something people don't talk about. yeah you might hear someone preach "don't fornicate or you're going to hell." but you rarely hear ministers discuss the emotional and other spiritual consequences that go along with sex before marriage. God has forbidden us to have sex before marriage for a reason. it's not enough to just tell people "don't have sex or your soul be damned." there's so much more that needs to be said. so why aren't people saying it?

what are people so afraid of?