i don't know who Carol is but i sure love her daughter. the Mimosa Hair Honey was the best invention ever. stuff's expensive but it makes your hair so soft, shiny and purrty :-)
speaking of hair, do you know how badly i want to cut all mine off?? when i first went au naturale 5 years ago, i cut it all off and it was really really short. i miss it so much and life was so much easier. i love women with short haircuts -i saw this woman the other day with a really short natural cut, and i almost fell down the escalator craning my neck to look at her. it was so beautiful! but the thought of cutting it all off again makes me sad for some reason.
*****
speaking of sad, is it sad that at my age, i'm still kind of afraid of being alone in the dark? no joke, every night when i turn out my light to sleep, i have to will myself calm sometimes. a lot of times i'll just sleep in the living room because my tv is in there and it makes me feel like someone else is around. the only reason i don't do that every night is because my cats also sleep out there, and they are two partying night owls who give me no rest. so rather than yell at them to leave me alone all night, i reluctantly sleep in my bedroom. unless i'm so exhausted that i fall asleep as soon as my face hits the pillow, i often lay awake in the dark feeling overwhelmed by the quiet and the shadows. and my mind starts to wander into gruesome places. the devil is a liar, he is. many nights, i have to say Jesus' name out loud over and over again just to bring myself peace. and He always answers and comforts me to sleep :-)
*****
speaking of sleep, i had THE weirdest dreams last night. in one, a guy friend of mine was outside my apartment arguing with the Medical Examiner from CSI: Miami and he had her neck in one of his large hands, choking her all up against MY car. so i come outside screaming at him to let her go and trying to pry them apart. and the weird thing was, i yelled at him more for having her leaning all against my car, more so than the fact that he was just choking a woman in the parking lot.
then i had a dream i was trying on some jeans.
*****
i don't have a transition to this but ever notice that kiwi the fruit looks like kiwi the bird? look.
my mom is so cute and full of jokes. i told her that i want a very simple, no-frills wedding. and she goes, "oh great...does that mean i have to come to your wedding barefoot?"
*****
i realized something about myself: i give everyone nicknames. there is hardly a person in my life that i call by their actual name. sometimes their "nickname" is a new name altogether. take my stepdad for instance. i started calling him this other name and it stuck. and the funny thing is, my mom now calls him that too, like it's really his name. i'm such a bad influence on society.
i promise i'm going to go earn my rent money now. i should be ashamed of myself for all this procrastination.
i should be. but i'm not. i don't feel like being here.
