pray for me

*sigh*

we're hanging out tonight. probably in the company of some other friends, but nevertheless in the same space.

it's hard to look at him. his smile is infectious. i don't want to be his friend. but i'm terrified to even talk about all that stuff from before. it's easier to pretend.

but pretending is not easy.

i know i'll walk away tonight feeling heavy and wishing he would just open up to me and loathing the stupid friendly hug and goodbye i know i'll get. i think he's scared. but so am i - why not be scared together? but how can i expect him to open and speak, when i'm afraid to do that myself?

on a brighter note, we're going to see Ndelible perform. these cats are annointed and awesome. check out their songs on myspace. "Fading" and "Hello Friend" are THE tracks to hear.

i'm excited. and nervous.