if only you could read this

i never expected we'd be friends.

who knew celebrating someone's birth years ago
would also give me cause to celebrate meeting you?

i thought i'd just go, enjoy an appetizer, laugh and mingle,
give thanks for another year of a friend's life.
but your face entering that room changed that night
from a celebration to an exploration.

and oh, how i longed to discover you.

we barely even spoke that night.
but i left that house grateful to know your name
and eager to know your heart.

here we are, years later,
friends, supporters, co-runners in the race for Christ,
in separate spaces that angels fuse together in perfect time.

every phone call, every text, every thought of you leaves me wondering
why the God we both serve even brought our sands together,
wondering if perhaps i've set my eyes upon the wrong shore.

i never expected we'd be friends.

but friends we are, to my dismay, and it' s such a joyous pain.

i can't forget that night that our hands
found their way to one another.
our hearts danced to each other's beat;
my soul sighed as you pacified my neck
with the warmth of your breath
and the kiss of your lips.

and the melody of your voice calmed the alarms sounding within me
as you whispered words of contentment
and peace.

but we haven't spoken of it since.

we talk as though our hearts never tapped on each other's door.
we laugh as though our lips never shared anything more.
but beneath the surface of our friendly speech,
i hear the burning question searing both our minds:

"but what of that night?"

see, that night we weren't just friends.
we stood on the outskirts of a foreign land,
reveling in our mystery,
confounded by the shift from the familiar
to the obscure.

every time i speak your name
or hear you sing mine,
that question plunders my sanity,
and the absence of answers resonates in my mind.

our silence is deafening.

and though i hate to remember, and i'd love to forget,
i hate that night for ending, and i'd love for it to repeat.

every time i close my eyes,
i still feel the traces of your touch.
i taste the nectar from your lips
and smell the essence of your spirit
trespassing upon every sense i own.

and i know you remember.

and i know you ask of yourself and of our Lord
the why's, the how's, and the if's that maraud our coexistence,
sidling amongst the shadows of words
that now hum a different tune,
that now dance a new rhythm.

but still, we shield ourselves,
protected by the mantle of our friendship,
safe within the concrete walls
of the terrain we recognize.

yet never before have you looked so brand new.

and so beautiful.

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