the hills are alive with the sound of music

come over here and walk on my neck for me, will you?

i mean, don't kill me. but my neck is in serious pain from sleeping weirdly and from teeth clenching. my jaws are throbbing and the pain is extending down the sides of my neck. if anyone out there knows how to cure me of this teeth clenching, come. sit a spell. i'll make you some tea. you'll tell me the remedy. we'll be friends.

plus i woke up this morning face down in my pillow. how i was breathing i have no idea. and how long i had been sleeping that way i have no idea. but the back of my neck is screaming obscenities.

*****

speaking of sleeping, i have been having dreams about babies so much lately. i don't know if the Lord is speaking or if it's just my wishful thinking being manifested in my subconscious. last night, i dreamt i had twin baby girls, though they must have been seriously fraternal and looked nothing alike. but i could feel how much i loved them, and my mother was there also, caring for them, holding them. and there was a gecko running around. i can't really explain that. perhaps i saw a Geico commercial before bedtime.

i've had several dreams about baby girls lately. i can't even say for sure if all the babies in my dreams are actually my children or if i'm loving and doting on someone else's babies. alls i know is that they keep showing up. maybe they are visions the Lord is giving me either for my own life or someone else's. hey, could be one of you!! :-)

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i've learned that people never have to apologize for things they've done to me in the past. sure, it's nice to try to make amends when you've hurt someone. and in a lot of cases, i strongly recommend doing so, even if your offense took place years ago. it's humbling and could aid in someone else's healing. but my faith in Christ has taught me that all things work together for good to those that love God, to those that are the called according to His purpose. so even those who have hurt me have their role in doing good for me.

my ex called this weekend again and we actually had a lengthy conversation. he apologized for how he hurt me in our relationship (which ended 5+ years ago) and he regretted breaking up with me back then, saying he should have never done so, and that it took being in "bad" subsequent relationships for him to realize how much he messed up when he "let me go." though i appreciated his apology, and i sincerely accepted it, i did let him know it wasn't necessary to apologize because it all had its purpose.

i didn't explain this in detail because he's not mature enough (mentally or spiritually) to handle it, but what i wanted to say was that he didn't break up with me - the LORD closed that door. sure its closing was manifested through a hard breakup that i didn't understand at the time. at the time i was heartbroken. i hated him. i cried and cried and it took years to heal from the pain he caused me. but i can speak to him now, laugh with him now, and feel no hurt or bitterness because i know the Lord yanked me out of his life and that relationship for a reason. how can i still be angry with him - he was an instrument of my King, my Father. i can tell you right now that if we were still together (or had gotten married as we had talked about back then - Lord help me), my life could very well be in shambles. not much about him has changed after all these years, sadly. and i doubt i'd have the relationship i now have with the Lord if he and i had remained in that toxic, tumultuous relationship. his leaving served such a great purpose in my life and i am so thankful to God for allowing that to take place, pain and all.


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what do you guys think about schizophrenia? do you think it is a medical condition or a spiritual one?

i ask this because i was watching MTV's True Life about some young people with schizophrenia. and though i'm no doctor, from what i saw on that show, and from all the other real-life encounters i've had with individuals who suffer from this, i would not doubt that those voices they hear are demons, not results of brain malfunction as the docs say.

one guy said his voice's name is Marcus. and Marcus tries to convince him to kill himself and that God doesn't love him. i cannot get down with the notion that that can be "cured" with medication. that sounds demonic to me. i would love to hear about stories of people being delivered from schizophrenia through spiritual healing as opposed to being drugged up by pharmaceutical industries. anyone know of any?


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i forgot my phone today. i feel naked and am going through withdrawal. but i'm also grateful for the absence of a very real distraction. let us pray that i use its absence wisely. still, my thumbs are itching to text LOL. addictions are of the devil.

speaking of phones, i got to work this morning and my desk phone read "5:35am". i was like WHAT?!?! how can this be???! plus it seemed extra quiet in the office like no one else was here. i seriously thought something weird had happened and i somehow got to work several hours early and didn't realize it (nevermind the fact that at 5:30am it is pitch black outside and when i arrived, it was bright and sunny, as it typically is at 9am when i arrive).

come to find out, we'd had a power outage, so the phones were trippy. it was really 9:00. and it seemed extra quiet because the power outage had done something to the AC so there was no white noise. what a relief - i felt like i was in the Twilight Zone or that the Rapture had come and i was all "Left Behind" LOL. do you know how mad i would be if my co-workers got raptured and i didn't?!?! i'm just sayin...i'd be filing a grievance for sure.

*****

(btw, the title has nothing to do with this post but i like that musical and that song. and i'm singing it)