*ahem*...is this thing on?...

ok, so i wanted to clarify some things, as i obsessively do sometimes. i have a need to be understood - not necessarily agreed with, but understood.

and i feel like i haven't done a good enough job of that, so here goes: (and yes, she's about to talk about that Jesus again, so if you don't like hearing His beautiful name, this may not be the post for you :-)) but i hope you'll stay anyway...but i warn you, this may turn out to be a bit long.

so in the last few posts or so, i've been expressing questions and concerns about sin, about friendship, about "worldliness," about this Christian thing we hold so dearly.

in the "questions, questions" post, i just wanted to be clear that my questions were genuine questions, meaning, i had no answers, and was genuinely seeking counsel and/or opinions from people who may have already experienced such issues in their walk. i wasn't implying that we should not love or befriend those who don't know Christ. but just asking, what do you do with those friendships, how do you handle the inevitable (in my opinion) difficulties, and is there ever a need to sever ties.

in my own life, i know several people (of different "degrees" of friendship) who do not (yet) know Christ. and it's hard, really hard, to maintain those relationships sometimes. one guy (actually an ex, to be specific), prides himself on being a studier of all religions. so he extracts favorable portions of different religions and has created his own misguided philosophies about who God is, what God is like, and what, if anything, is required of people. and in his own self-teachings, people are the masters of their own destinies, souls, everything. if i may be totally honest, much of what he says is ridiculous and blasphemous. to him, God is some far-off mystical being, likely a woman, who answers prayers to a degree and watches over us, but doesn't really have holy standards for us. to him we (humans) are powerful, we are gods, we have all this inner chi that controls our destinies, lives, auras, and all that good stuff.

what's interesting is that he has a Bible sitting on his coffee table (well, he used to, but i haven't seen him in years and only talk to him once in awhile). from the Bible, he only finds Proverbs useful, because they are "wise sayings" that he can apply to his life. but nothing about accountability, sin, Jesus being the Son of God, pretty much anything that portrays God as our Holy Father to whom we are to bow down, worship, honor, praise, and obey, and pretty much the entire New Testament - you can forget it with this guy. he wants "religion" to suit his lifestyle so he can get as drunk or high as he wants as often as he wants (because being high helps him connect to his inner chi or something) and he can have as much sex with as many women as he wants because women are beautiful creatures from God (which we are, no doubt) and the body is something to revere (not in the same biblical "temple" way, but in an almost idolatrous way), and anything else his heart fancies, because there is no accountability. and hell is only for child molesters and the really "bad" people.

as you can imagine, talking to him sometimes feels like slamming my head into a brick wall while doing jumping jacks in a pool of razor blades lubricated with lemon juice. it's painful. i'm not making fun of the guy (ok, maybe a little...sorry, but he's funny), but it's hard to ever have a conversation with him. but i love him, in a sense of he's another human being with whom i have a history, and i honestly do fear for his soul. but i find it impossible to maintain a friendship and don't know if i should even continue to do so, because we can't have a conversation. what do we talk about, the weather?? we talk every once in a blue moon.

as a Christian who loves Jesus with my whole heart, EVERYTHING i do comes back to Him. even when i'm having a conversation that is totally not related to the Church, the Bible, Jesus or anything of the sort, the conversation inevitably will mention His name or turn into some kind of Jesus discussion. it happens all the time!! (can you relate??). and i'm not putting myself on a soapbox at all, but He really is the center of my life. so when i fret about work woes, or relationships, or family or my heart or my sin or my anything, Jesus is in the midst. how i handle situations, people, conflicts, sin, my heart, are all centered around Jesus and what He expects of me, what God's word says. someone who has no idea who Jesus is can't understand that. so i don't know what to talk about.

if i say to this guy mentioned above that i had an issue with someone at work, his advice (albeit unsolicited) is 10 times out of 10 going to be very ungodly, lol, speaking from experience. it's not because i'm better than him, it's because the core of our hearts and minds is not the same.

but i'm reluctant to "cut him off" because i don't know if he has anyone in his life who knows the Lord. i pray for him all the time and hope that one day, he'll call me and tell me he finally met Jesus. i will cry BUCKETS if he ever does! i tell Jesus all the time, "Lord....if You can save THAT ONE??? You truly are a miracle worker!" if you guys knew this guy, you would know i'm totally not exaggerating. he's the one i alluded to in my comments that tells me that i'm brainwashed for subscribing to the "white man's religion" (his words), that the only reason i'm a Christian is because that's how i was raised, and that i'm afraid to think outside the box, so i will forever be mentally enslaved. i need to free my mind and give up this slave religion that was forced upon my African ancestors as a means to control them. he even goes into blasphemous rants at times, that i rebuke and know it's nothing but satan. do you know this kid actually sends me email forwards sometimes about the "myth of Christianity," links to different books/authors who have written on the topic of "exposing the lie of Jesus/Christianity" and such, trying to recruit me and make me see how "blind" i am. he really makes me angry sometimes, because i can't have NObody talkin' bad about my Jesus!!! :-D

he was raised in the church, but got to college, took one too many philosophy classes, befriended too many "free-thinkers" and the devil ran with reckless abandon through those doors he opened. then of course, he started to realize that he always knew he was 'different' from everyone else, and that his eyes have finally been opened to the "truth. "

each time we talk, i refuse to get into arguments or debates, so finding conversation is ridiculously painful. i honestly don't even know why he continues to call me (very infrequently, but still calls nonetheless). but i never tell him to leave me alone because one day, God may use me to help open his heart and eyes (if he hasn't already been turned over to the adversary, as the Word says can happen). it amazes me how people like him think they are the enlightened few, the modern Confucians and Buddhas and so-forth, and that the rest of us are in darkness. they don't realize that they are the ones who have been so blinded by satan that their blindness has become a normal way of life to them. and i get frustrated, because i wish, i WISH i could make them see. i WISH they knew how dangerous it is. i wish....

"and the light shone in the darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not..."

to be continued...