i don't even care to title this

the excruciating 6 minute phone conversation i just had with my father reminded me (not that i ever forget) why we don't talk much.

i love God. i really do. and i wouldn't trade my walk with Him for anything.

but sometimes, it's hard living this life. so much responsibility. and it's hard to be obedient to God and love and honor my father, as He has commanded me, when my flesh makes me want to give it all up and forget he even exists. though i know nothing is impossible with God, trying to love that man makes me fear that i'll never have the heart God is after me to have.

what a shame it would be, after all that i've been through on this plane, for me to stand before the Lord when He returns and have Him tell me He is disappointed in me, all because of this.