perspective

ok, so after some self-chastisement (and Holy chastisement) yesterday about this slump i'm feeling stuck in, i've decided that no matter how down and out i feel, no matter if i cry buckets at a time, no matter how alone i feel, after i whine out all my blues, i'm going to hop down off my boo-hoo box, and vocalize a blessing, even if there's no one around to hear it. what i mean is, everyday there's a blessing from God, even if it's just a "simple" everyday blessing we take for granted. and even though i passively acknowledge those blessings, i don't always vocalize them. so i'm going to start. i think that will help me feel a little brighter - God loves praise and praise i shall continue to give Him, though my heart is broken.

i've also decided to seek out opportunities to help someone, do some random acts of kindness. i've discovered in the past that one surefire way to lift your spirits is to extend yourself to someone in need - or even to someone not in need. just do something nice for the heck of it. that will help me to bless someone else, lift someone's heart, and subsequently take my eyes off of me me me and all my pitiful woes.

Today's Blessing, brought to you by our sponsors at dragonflysoul central :-) :

as i was running up the escalator this morning, the train was already on the platform. so i didn't have time to walk down to my usual spot, perfectly positioning myself so that when i get off the train, i'm right there near the escalator at my destination station. since the train was already there and getting ready to close its doors, i had to run and hop on the nearest car so it wouldn't pull off without me. let's face it: i was already late, as usual, and couldn't afford to have to wait for the next train.

as i hurried to get on board, i was met with the blaring sound of a harmonica. busying myself with pushing through the crowd of passengers and trying to find a seat, i didn't notice who was giving the morning rush hour performance until i sat down. and at the end of the car, not far from where i was seated, was a homeless woman, tooting away on a large silver harmonica. she intermittently stopped playing to converse with a man sitting right next to where she stood, joyfully telling him of her musical gifting and how it came to be. now usually, i admit, the sound of a loud harmonica at 8:30am would have annoyed me beyond description. i'm not the most vibrant morning person, and at first, after quietly pleading "Jesus, please help me..." under my breath, i even considered switching cars at the next stop.

but as the woman began to recount her stories to the man patiently and attentively engaging her, i found myself not only enthralled by her, but smiling as i eavesdropped. she told of how, as a 5-year old child, she learned to play the piano just by watching her mother play. she was too short to sit on the bench and reach the keys properly, so she'd stand up on the bench instead. she told of how that lead into her interest in the harmonica. she told of how she played Christian songs in churches in the north, where she is from. and every few minutes, she'd stop to illustrate her tales with a song, playing bouncy harmonica tunes and dancing along to her own music. at one point, she even asked the man she had been talking with when he was born, and exclaimed with glee when he said, "February." she insisted on serenading him with a "Happy Birthday" tune on her harmonica.

then she blew my mind as she talked about how she was first afraid of her gifting because she couldn't understand how she could just play songs that she'd never learned to play. she never had formal music lessons, never studied piano or harmonica. she never really spent time practicing songs over and over. she would just hear a song and be able to play it - and it frightened her. when it hit her that this music ability came so uncannily natural to her without any effort on her part, she prayed to Jesus and asked Him what it was all about and how she had come to possess these abilities.

she continued to talk about the Lord in different capacities. and though i couldn't make out every word she said over the noise of the train whizzing through the tunnels, i could feel her love of God through the mention of His name, and through the sound of her playing "Amazing Grace" on her harmonica.

to say that she blessed me would be an understatement. to see a woman in a well-worn and stained sweatsuit that obviously was not warm enough to protect her on this bitter cold 25 degree morning, standing in a train full of people with her immense cart loaded with every belonging she owns draped in plastic coverings, her face smudged and eyes bloodshot, a wool cap on her head, talking about Jesus and joyfully dancing and playing songs was the greatest thing i've witnessed in a long time.

maybe, just maybe my lateness today finally paid off. if i had arrived to that station any earlier, i wouldn't have been on the same train as this beautiful stranger. or if that same train had arrived just a few seconds later, i would have had time to walk down to my usual spot and wouldn't have been in that same car as she. maybe, just maybe God orchestrated all of that to happen exactly when it did so that i could be there with her, to listen to her. maybe, just maybe God was speaking to me through her, through the witness of her joy despite her life's circumstances.

i silently thanked God for her and prayed blessings and warmth for her before i got off the train.

i may never know her name, and she may never know mine. but she has anonymously touched me so much in just those few short minutes. i'll be thinking of her for awhile.