the older guy

i met this guy on the train about a month or so ago...we didn't really talk but caught each other's eye and as we weren't standing right next to each other, he passed his business card to me through a couple of people standing between us. said to email him sometime. we had first seen each other on the train months ago, and stared at each other off and on until he got off. but we didn't speak. so seeing as how this was our second train encounter, i decided to check this guy out. i didn't contact him right away, it was about a week or so before i sent him an email. i was surprised he remembered me and was excited to hear from me. he was very sweet, and intelligent, very attractive, well-put together, professional and romantic. but i soon realized this guy was a bit intense. he was emailing and calling me constantly - which normally would be sweet but it was a bit overwhelming considering he and i had just met and hadn't even been out on a date yet.

things were seeming to go well, although i was a little concerned that he's 37 and was afraid the age difference would make things awkward. but it didn't. we had conversations for sometimes 3 or 4 hours until like 2am some nights. he found out where my job was and surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of roses and lillies.

then the bomb was dropped. we were talking about his sister and something about her problems in her marriage and about her children. then i asked him the question i'd been wanting to ask but was waiting to see if he would bring it up first. i asked if he had any kids. he said yes.

he has three.

by two different women.

neither of which is his ex-wife (yeah he did tell me early on that he was divorced).

i was blown away. i can't handle relationships with guys who have children, let alone three!! i think i was more bothered by the fact that we'd been talking for a minute, have had so many deep conversations about God, relationships, his former marriage, love, our desires, our goals, ourselves...and not ONCE did he mention any children. and of course i was planning to ask, which i did, because i'm not naive enough to think that just because a guy doesn't mention something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. but i was hoping that, seeing as how he's 37 and mature and open about so many other things, and seeing as how having three children is such a huge part of your life, that he would have given me SOME kind of indication that he had children or just volunteered that information to me in the beginning. i would have. had i had even one child, that would be something i'd tell a potential mate from the jump!

clearly he didn't think this was important enough to share with me.

i feel deceived and led on. i'm not condemning him for having children, but i don't have the personality or the desire to be with someone with so much baggage. i'm insecure enough at times, i don't need the added pressure and stress of dealing with 2 different babies' mamas and three babies. and i can't get over the fact that he hid that from me. i wonder when or if he would have ever brought it up if i hadn't asked when i did...

it's sad because i kind of liked this guy. he was a bit intense but was growing on me. we had a great time at dinner thursday night and then i get the wind knocked out of my sails just hours afterward when i find out about his kids. i've been involved with a guy before who had a daughter and it was so hard. i felt jealous and insecure, and i tried to be understanding of it all and supportive but it was too hard. some women and men can handle and don't mind being in relationships with someone who has children. i'm not one of those people. it's too complicated. i'm just glad and grateful to have found out very early so that i didn't fall in love with this guy or something and get all hurt because it can't work.

needless to say, although he's fighting against my decision, i really don't think i'm going to see him anymore.

my life is so hilarious at times...