when love shows; when love fails

another post on love? i'm sensing a theme here.

i guess it's because a lot of my focus these days is on the different kinds of love and the ways people show it - and unfortunately don't show it.

i'm warning you though, this post really will not follow a pattern. i'm just babbling out my thoughts on love situations. so i don't have a thesis, a supporting argument and a conclusion.

bear with me.

God's love for us. our love for God. love for our parents. love for our children. love for our spouses/fiances/relationship partners. love for our friends. love for ourselves even.

there are so many different kinds of love. and so many ways to demonstrate - because yes, love is a demonstration. it's not just an emotion, a feeling, or a word. it's an action.

it's easy to think we love someone, even easier to say it sometimes. but what's the true test of our hearts is how we show it. how do others see our love?

if i say i love God, do my actions, my heart, my life show Him?

if i say i love my family, how do i show them? what about when they don't love me back, or at least don't show me their love sometimes...? how, then, is my own heart reflected?

if we only love when we ourselves are loved, what does that mean about the validity of our love?

"love your enemies" is one of the most wonderfully ridiculous commandments God gave to us. how in the world can i be expected to love someone so awful, so mean, so hateful towards me?

but i am expected to. i'm required to. it's painful, it seems downright unreasonable, it's not fair, it's exhausting. but in those rare moments when i can actually see myself demonstrating love to an enemy, i see what God meant. i see why God gave us that commandment.

and the test of loving our enemies makes loving our loved ones that much sweeter, that must easier. and maybe, just maybe it helps to soften the heart of that enemy. after all God's word does tell us that wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

and just think about a time when you had a really bad day. someone said or did something awful to you. and you got home later and your parent, child, husband, wife, friend, sibling, significant other just held you, smiled at you, kissed you, laughed with you. that bad experience earlier with the not-so-loving person made the loving experience with your loved one that much more intense. you appreciate authentic love more when you've experienced hurt at the hands of someone unloving. isn't that awesome?


changing gears a bit:

i wonder though what happens when love fails us, when we pour our hearts into loving someone and yet they leave us, are unfaithful to us, divorce us, speak badly of us, physically hurt us.

i was reading about a particular celebrity who has been married and divorced a couple of times and has said she'll never marry again. i get the feeling she's still deeply hurt and saddened by the way her husbands have treated her, abused and cheated on her - and rightfully so. i can't imagine experiencing such terrible, hurtful things.

but i have to wonder if people in those situations who decide that marriage is a terrible thing, and that they'll never give of themselves in such a manner ever again, do they ever stop to think that it's not love that's the problem, and it's not marriage that's the problem...

it's the partners we choose that's the problem. the problem is within us.

i've known so many people - mainly women - who are so bitter with men, relationships, marriage and love because of the bad experiences they've had. and believe me i understand. i've been cheated on, verbally abused, and dumped by some of the very people who said they loved me so much and wanted to marry me someday. it took me years to heal from some of the scars some guys left behind.

but for some reason, my dumb heart still has hope for that mind-blowing love. that kind of love that is second only to Christ's love for us. that kind of love that wakes you up in the morning and lulls you to sleep at night.

marriage. commitment. love.

despite all that i've been through and am going through right now, i still have that hope. and i thank God for that, because i admit there are so many insecurities and fears that still linger as a result of the past. but i haven't given up on the hope that one day, i'll have that Song of Solomon type of love.

part of the reason i haven't given up is because i recognize that when love failed in the past, it wasn't because there was a problem with love. there was a problem with me. i chose the absolute wrong partners for the absolute wrong reasons. i wasn't where i needed to be spiritually, mentally and emotionally. love didn't fail. i failed in my choices. and i suffered the consequences.

even when i see so many marriages tragically dissolving in divorce, though it scares me to death, i still have hope that if i marry someday, it'll be for keeps. i'm not doomed to be a divorce statistic just because so many others are. because when marriages fail, it's not the fault of the institute of marriage. marriage and love in and of themselves can't and don't fail. it's the people involved who do.

just because i've failed in the past doesn't mean that i can't have victory in the future. i just have to make sure that i'm not still following the same failure formulas that got me into those messes in the first place.

and honestly, even after all these years, i'm still not so sure i know what the fail-proof formula is.

and i guess that's why i'm still waiting.