i need to go grace shopping

...'cause me feels like i've depleted some of my grace storage for some folks.

isn't it funny how there are some people in our lives who annoy us, disappoint us, hurt us quite a bit, yet for some reason we never stop loving them, never stop having mercy and grace for them no matter how ridiculous they get....?

...then on the other hand, there are some folks who we are ready to cross of our lists forever for one or two simple transgressions.

i wonder what makes the difference, what makes us more tolerant and patient with some no matter what they do, yet with others it seems as though one sour experience sours the relationship?

sometimes i feel like no matter how hard i try to start over with some people with a clean slate, they perpetually get under my skin. makes me not want to even look at or talk to them.

that' s terrible huh? what if God treated me like that?

anyway, you know what i'm learning about me and forgiveness?

ok, so it's no secret if you've read any of my past blogs, that i sometimes have a hard time forgiving people for hurting or upsetting me.

God is showing me that the reason it's so hard for me to do so (sometimes) is that i feel like i have to first let that person know how upset i am, what they did wrong, blow off all my steam and get it off my chest....and THEN i can forgive them.

the problem is, with most situations in my life, i never really get that opportunity. i'm not the type to call up someone and just start ranting. especially after some time has passed, i feel foolish even bringing it up. so often i end up just having to "let it go" ...but i haven't really let it go. it's hidden somewhere, festering with unforgiveness.

a guest pastor preached at my church last week and said that sometimes people aren't even aware of their trangressions toward you. sometimes folks will hurt you without even knowing that they did it. and we have the responsibility to forgive even when we can't confront the issue for whatever reason. forgiveness needs to come FIRST. the confrontation - if there is to be one at all - must come second. and sometimes, we have to forgive someone even if we never ever get an apology from them.

that was hard for me to swallow and oh-so-convicting.

the pastor (who is actually my friend's pastor, whose teaching i absolutely love) spoke about Jesus's marvelous ability to forgive His crucifiers and taunters as they humiliated, mocked and tortured Him on the cross. when He prayed to God the Father while hanging on the cross, HE prayed FOR His crucifers, not ABOUT them. without any apologies from them, without them even knowing Who they were killing and mocking, without any remorse from them whatsover, He forgave them.

why is it then so hard for me to do the same in my own life? why do i need an apology or to get something off my chest and confront the issue before i feel like i can let go of the burden and forgive?

truth be told, our offenders don't really care one way or another most times if we forgive them or not. most often, they've moved on with their lives, unaware that we're still upset or angry at whatever occurred. and if we don't forgive them, we're imprisoning ourselves