bananas, lipgloss and stuff

man, i just turned this bowl of Ramen into a 5-star gourmet meal. i hooked it UP with various seasonings (i don't use the little season pack that comes with it), and i must say that this little $0.10 pack of noodles tastes like it just came out of the pot of some great Thai chef.

lol, dramatic much? but still...YUM.

***
anyways, i have a lot of nerve. know why? i just reprimanded myself for feeling bummed out that in the last couple of days, my phone has barely rung save for a few calls here or there. when i realized it, i thought, "wow i feel so unloved right now...where is everyone? send me a text or something!"

then i realized how much i complain when people "bother" me with a bunch of phone calls and i turn my phone off.

what is that? pick one, dragonfly. either you want it or you don't.

***
are you a complete and utter hellbound sinner if you find yourself attracted to (not lusting after, but quietly attracted nonetheless) to a married person? just asking.

***
my name is dragonflysoul, and i am a commitophobe.

i am so so so SELFISH with my time. i will give of my resources (food, money, etc.) in a minute if i have them to give. but my time? forget about it. i have to constantly wrestle with myself about that. i don't like committing to things because i could say "yeah, i'll do it" or "yeah i'll be there" and then later i don't feel like it anymore. i always honor my commitments once i've made them but i feel agitated inside. so i tend to proceed extra super cautiously when agreeing to do something or to be somewhere.

that is one reason i never make advance plans if i can help it. please don't ask me on a monday what i'm doing this weekend. i'll make my plans friday night, thanks. any plans i make on a monday that won't take place until 4-5 days later, you can bet i won't want to do anymore by the time friday or saturday rolls around. chalk it up to moodiness, tiredness, i'm-a-jerkness, or what have you. my response to those questions? "um...i don't know...i'll let you know...we'll see...." and if you're still free when the day rolls around, and i feel like it...then it's a date.

i hate this commitment-phobic part of me, and i really want it to change. i think it comes from wanting to be in control all the time - wanting to do what i want to do, when i want to do it. maybe it's because i'm the youngest child and always had to endure being told what to do all my life - by my parents and sister (still get that from them because i'm forever "the baby"). or maybe it's because i was born with a rebellious streak that God and my mother have never been able to beat out of me. whatever the case, i want to change this part of me, as there are often times when i have to put that selfishness aside and do what someone else wants because they need me and because i love them. it's just so hard.

i'm trying to get better though...really i am.

***
i am obsessed with lipgloss. i must reapply that stuff 76 times a day. i think i must lick my lips a lot unawares, so it always comes off and i have to put it back on again. but if you're gonna be obsessed with lipgloss, Cotton Candy Liplicious from Bath and Body Works is the way to go. that stuff is fab.

***
i have a love-hate relationship with bananas. i really love them. but WHY do they start to rot so friggin fast?!?!?!?!?! i JUST bought these stupid things and they're already getting soft and turning brown. once they start getting mushy, i can't stand them and have to throw them out. i try to buy them when they're still slightly green so they last longer, and i don't store them near other fruits (like apples) because other fruits (and i think some vegetables and onions as well) give off a certain gas that speeds up the break down/ripening process of other produce around it. but even still, my bananas have a death wish. one day after i rescue them from the store, they start trying to die on me. ungrateful little things, aren't they?

***
why is it that countries well-known to be tourist hot spots are so poor? like Jamaica for instance. that country RAKES in dough from vacationers year-round. people young and old, filthy rich and not-so-much-rich flock to that country all the time. yet the inhabitants of Jamaica are very poor and don't see a penny of the resort cash. WHO is getting all that money then??? isn't that sad? i really should read up on this stuff. though i couldn't care less about politics, i'd like to understand the politics behind that kind of thing.