wax on, wax off

i've learned a few valuable lessons in the last few days, one of the greatest being that my God really truly does answer prayers.

Rob didn't come back to work. i haven't seen him since he left tuesday. he sent me an email last wednesday night with a song attached that he and his friend had composed and wanted me to give my opinion on it (the song was offensive and ridiculous, which shows his immaturity, but that's not the topic here...). i wrote back asking how he was doing, and how come he hadn't been back to work, and letting him know that the song wasn't really my style because of the explicit sexual content in it, so i wasn't really a good person to ask my opinion on it.

he still hasn't written back. and he hasn't called me.

i guess i could call him myself just to make sure everything's ok. but then i think, well if he's sending me an email at 12:30 am saying he finished this song and wanted me to listen, then he's fine, he's not sick or dead somewhere. he has just not returned to work and has decided he doesn't feel like communicating with me. i don't get it, and i have to admit that i'm somewhat disappointed. i'm honestly not hurt, but i'm frustrated and disappointed.

i guess i'm not hurt because i've only know him for about 2 weeks. and although i had a crush on him and enjoyed spending that little amount of time with him, i knew it wasn't ever going to turn into anything real, and therefore i really had no expectations of him (although i wouldn't have turned down a date or two or a kiss or two, lol). plus, at this point in my life, with all the mess i've been through with men, i have a guard up for awhile anyway. so until they prove otherwise, i kind of expect this kind of fickle behavior from guys.

he proved to be just the same. so i'm annoyed and a little confused as to how a guy seems to adore you one minute, coming to my office to visit throughout the day, sending me emails and calling me several times a day, could just up and disappear, stop working (he was only temping there, it wasn't a for real job), and not even say goodbye, not call or anything. again, i'm not mad, i'm really not hurt because i never expected or desired a relationship with this guy because of his kids/ex-wives situation. but it was a nice little distraction for awhile. it would have been nice to go out on a few dates with someone who was fun and that i had a nice chemistry with. it would have been nice to have someone to cuddle up to for a minute. but clearly that ain't gonna happen.

well, like i said, i've learned many lessons from this mini-experience. and at the top of the list is that God really does answer prayers. one of my constant prayers is that every day, God will open the right doors for me and close the wrong doors for me. that He will put the right people in my life that are good for me and that i need to get along, and that He will remove the people from my life that are not good for me. i need to pray this prayer constantly because as a human, as a woman who is flawed, who is sometimes driven by emotions, who has made so many mistakes it's ridiculous, who is not all-knowing and therefore can only make decisions based on the moment, who sometimes doesn't know whether to turn left or turn right, i NEED God to guide me. He sees things and knows things that i can't and don't. He is perfect, and I am more flawed than i care to admit. He knows the best route for me in all things. so i pray all the time that He guides me in everything, including the people that come in and out of my life because i tend to get side-tracked and let people into my life that shouldn't be there.

well if this isn't an answered prayer, i don't know what is. i specifically and honestly poured out my feelings to God about Rob, saying that i liked him and was attracted to him, but that i knew i wasn't interested in pursuing anything deep with him. so i prayed that if it wasn't good that he and i even be friends or even hang out, that He step in and take control of the situation, so that i wouldn't be led down the wrong path by my own desires and emotions (which i have been guilty of many many many times, thinking i know best and i don't).

and well, now dude is gone, LOL. so i can't be mad at Rob. i know that God looks out for me and may have seen this as a potentially hurtful situation (although sometimes God will allow you to get hurt to teach lessons and to strengthen you and your faith). but He may have seen that this door needed to be closed, so He closed it. and for that, i'm thankful. i'm disappointed yes, because i enjoyed talking to Rob. i enjoyed our silly laughs together, our heartfelt talks, our mutual attraction. but i trust God and i love Him all the more for caring enough about little ol' undeserving me to hear my prayers and answer them.

i've said it before and i'll say it again: not everyone that comes into your life is good for you. everyone doesn't come with good intentions. and you can't make decisions based on emotions. i'm thankful that once again, God has shown His sovereignty and concern for me and has closed a door that probably shouldn't have been opened in the first place.

no regrets, no looking back wondering where he is, or what could have been. no grudges, no hard or hurt feelings. these things happen for a reason. and when God closes my doors, they stay closed. i ain't about to search for him and try to re-open them.