disappointed again

so for the last few weeks, i've been talking to blind date guy from new york. already, i'm about ready to tell this guy to buzz off...he's pretty nice and everything but i just don't feel the chemistry between us. i should start by saying that i was in no way expecting this to turn into a relationship or anything even resembling a relationship. for starters, i've only known the guy for a good 2-3 weeks, and most importantly he lives in new york (and long-distance loves are a no-no for me). but as i feared, i've developed a bit of a crush on him. i find myself thinking of him a lot, hoping he'll call, excited if he calls, looking forward to his visits (he's supposed to come down here tuesday night and stay through the thanksgiving holiday). so even though i know that nothing long-term could come out of all of this, i still 'like' him...

the problem is that he and i are very different. i'm very fun-loving and open, i love to laugh, i have a great sense of humor and i'm pretty free-spirited. this guy is SO not any of those things...he's very guarded and closed-in, very laid-back, almost TOO nonchalant, doesn't really have a sense of humor. i try to get him to be more playful, to let go, to open up with me, laugh and joke with me, but he's just so...blah. and it's annoying and makes phone conversations a bit awkward at times. and that brings me to my next problem with him: our phone conversations...they are few and far between. now we communicate in some way, shape or form pretty much every day, but it's usually on IM or email or text messaging, which in my opinion is very impersonal. if we do talk on the phone, i'm the one who initiated the call. he could be sitting at home on a friday night, doing nothing, and instead of calling me to say 'hey, what's up, i was thinking of you,' he'll send me a text message to say those things.

while i do appreciate reading such thoughtful words, if he's not busy or anything, why not just call and tell me that? by sending a text message, does that mean that he doesn't want to talk to me? in my experience, text messaging is a cop-out way of communicating, or is a way to get a quick message to someone when you're in a hurry and don't have time to call, or if you're at work or in a setting where you can't make a call, you can discreetly send a text message to someone. or if you want to tell someone something but don't really feel like talking to them, you can send a text message. it's a cop-out. i'm starting to get that feeling from him. sometimes two or three days have gone by and we haven't spoken to each other, just texted back and forth or IMed while at work. if he wanted to talk, wouldn't he simply call? or am i reading to much into this? i dont think so... and as far as IMing goes, sometimes he'll IM me and we'll be chatting back and forth for awhile. then we'll get to a point where i guess neither of us has anything to talk about anymore and we'll hit a lapse in the IMing. but instead of him just writing, 'ok, well i'm going to get back to work, i'll talk to you later' or some kind of 'good-bye' at least, this kid just signs off without saying 'peace' or anything! then like an hour or so later, i'll see that he's signing back on, and he won't even IM me back, not even to say 'hey, my bad for signing out earlier without saying goodbye." nothing. i think that's so rude...

i'm just realizing that we're very different people. we operate differently, we think differently, we live differently. and while i always welcome differences, and i don't want to date a clone of myself, i think it's important to have some essential things in common, like spiritual beliefs, similar senses of humor, things like that. and we are as different as night and day in those arenas and more. any man who can make me laugh and can laugh along with me will almost always win my heart. this guy doesn't stand a chance.

again, i wasn't looking for this to turn into something deep. and even though we're not really vibing like i would prefer, for some strange reason i still like him. i know it's not gonna work out, but i still like him. he gives me mixed signals though so i have no clue how he's feeling. one minute he's not calling or anything so i feel like he's not interested. the next minute he tells me he can't wait to see me again and that he thinks of me all the time. i don't know what to think. at the very least, i'll have a new 'friend' to visit in new york and who can come down here to visit me. i just hope i can get my feelings in check. even though i don't feel any real chemistry between us, i do kinda like him. i just have to start detaching those feelings because there's no point in having a crush on someone and developing these romantic feelings for him if it's not going to go anywhere...