apologies

is it wrong and judgmental to doubt the sincerity of apologies given only after a person has been caught, exposed or confronted with their wrong-doing?

i look at cases like Bernard Madoff's mass fraud case, where this man has effectively caused unimaginable turmoil in a lot of people's lives. he abused his position and purposefully set out to swindle people out of billions of dollars. with the rotten fruits of his deceit, he was living better than most people in the world - SEVERAL multi-million dollar homes, a boat that cost more than many people's houses, and countless other displays of wealth. and all from what he gained by cheating people and lying.

after doing that and accumulating all that wealth for years, he was finally exposed, convicted and sentenced to 150 years in prison. and at the sentencing, it was then that he expressed his remorse and how he exercised "poor judgment" and was very sorry for what he had done.

but is he really sorry? does he really feel the pain and conviction of his deeds?

or is he simply sorry he got caught and will now spend the rest of his days in prison?

i have a hard time believing that people who calculate, plan, steal, defraud and deceive on such sickening levels for so long all of a sudden see the light and are sorry for what they've done the minute they are caught in the act.

perhaps my heart needs to be softened in that regard, because i don't buy it.

i liken it to a married man who for years has been having an affair with another woman. he has built this relationship with this woman, has been intimate with her, has built this whole secret life with her, while his wife knows nothing about what's going on. and only after she discovers the affair and confronts her husband does the man apologize, declare that it was wrong and how sorry he is, cries and begs for forgiveness.

again, is he sorry for everything he's done? or just sorry he was caught?

the way i see it, when we truly feel the burden of our wrongs, WE are the ones who actively take a step forward and confess what we've done. when you're truly sorry in your heart, you don't wait around for someone else to pull the plug on you, you seek out those you have offended ask you ask for forgiveness.

when the tears and sorrows come after someone uncovers your secret, sure you may feel ashamed that your dirty laundry has been made public. and that shame may cause you to feel emotion and regret. but is that the same as truly feeling sorry for the pain and hurt you caused the other person(s)?

i don't think so. at least, not in all instances. i almost feel bold enough to say probably not in MOST cases.

there are times when we may offend or hurt someone and be unaware of the pain we caused until the person confronts us with it. in cases like those, because we were unaware of what we had done or how our actions or words affected someone else, we are incapable of feeling sorrow and confessing until the person brings it to our attention. then we can rectify the situation, apologize and express our sorrow for having hurt that person.

but when you know that what you're doing is wrong (an affair, stealing billions of dollars, etc.) and you know how your wrongdoing can devastate the person or persons to whom you're doing it, only expressing regret and sorrow after the lies have been practically scrawled all over the walls for all to see, it seems rather....insincere. feigned. and a flat out lie.

then again, i guess one could argue that perhaps a person who does such horrible things doesn't have the capability to recognize wrong from right? perhaps that ability to discern only comes from a relationship with God?

but even those with no concept of spirituality at all have a conscience. even if you reject God and Christ, because He created you, there's a part of you that is sensitive to wrong and right. devout atheists can recognize consequences of their actions, and can acknowledge the difference between wrong and right. sure, a lack of relationship with God will mean that a person's standard of what makes something wrong or right may be quite different than that of a person who measures right and wrong according to the Word of God.

for instance, a follower of Christ would declare that murder, adultery, premarital sex, drunkenness, and foul speech are wrong (sin), because of God's standards for our lives based on His Word. someone who does not know Christ may say that murder and adultery are wrong, but that premarital sex is ok with someone you know and love, a night out partying and getting drunk is ok as long as you don't drive and hurt someone, and that everyone curses and uses bad language from time to time and that's ok too. their standards are based on opinion, personal experience and the world's teaching.

but the fact that they would still (perhaps) acknowlege that murder and adultery are wrong indicate to me that there's something in all of us that is senstive to such things.

so i when a person (like Madoff for instance) schemes and plots for years to make himself obscenely rich by stealing from clients, i have a hard time believing that throughout the duration of his lies and scams that he didn't know that what he was doing was wrong. the fact that he did it in secret proves that he knew it was wrong.

and an apology only after all is said and done, he's been sentenced to prison, and there's nothing else he can do about it, to me isn't an apology at all. maybe one day he'll truly feel sorry for what he's done.