maaaaaaaaan....
i read THE FUNNIEST article this morning about Santino, a 31-year-old male chimp in a swedish zoo who "calmly collected" his own arsenal of rocks one morning and kept them in a stash.
that afternoon, the chimp dug into his weapons cache and began hurling his stored up artillery at zoo visitors.
this ape actually PLOTTED all morning to throw rocks at visitors who came to gawk and point at him through the bars.
this is not a human folks....we're talking about a CHIMP. that KILLED me.
and it's really kind of scary how smart this furry dude is! what a human-like quality to premeditate an attack.
so, of course, with my disturbed mentality and evidently way too much time to kill, i came up with the inner monologue Santino must have been having as he calmly strolled around his monkey quarters collecting rocks:
(picture the voice of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, but with a swedish accent)
*sigh*
another day trapped in these bars.
i know in a few hours, these idiots are going to be here screaming and pointing at me, staring at me, calling out to me, hoping i'll do some kind of trick for them...
...as if i was born just to entertain them and their bratty kids. they want some entertainment? i'll show them some entertainment.
let's see how much they love coming to the zoo now...
Santino...forever.
he starts slowly, calmly roaming around the cage, looking for rocks. then he quietly sits in the corner, his rock collection piled neatly at his side. and he waits for the gates of the zoo to open.you can't see me right now, but i'm dying laughing. this is why i love animals. every species has its own special degree of hilarity.
this is the greatest article i've read all year.
disclaimer:
before anyone with an anemic sense of humor comments about how this isn't funny because people may have gotten hurt by Santino's rocks blah blah blah, no injuries were reported. so there. and the part i find hilarious is not that people were hit by rocks, but that people were hit by rocks thrown by a chimp who actually collected the rocks and planned to throw them at a later time.
i mean you can't beat that with a stick.
or a rock.