so, remember a few posts back, i wrote that i have fears of darkness and sometimes feel very afraid, borderline panicky when i turn out the lights and try to sleep?
well, i do. and it's really hard. there are times when i'm trying to force myself to sleep and i start to imagine horrible things in my mind. i'm usually not afraid of death because i know without a doubt Who owns my soul. so when my time is over, i am confident that when i open my eyes again, i will be staring into the face of our Lord.
but sometimes, when i try to sleep, and the darkness overwhelms me, and i try to pray, speak with God and let images of Him flood my mind and lead me into my dreams, i start to fear things that i ought not fear. i fear destruction, i fear the vulnerability that comes with being asleep and unaware. i fear being all alone if something terrible were to occur in the middle of the night. i fear closing my eyes and not waking back up. sometimes i even fear the shadows in the darkness of my room, i try to block out every little sound that i hear, trying not to let my mind wander and imagine that they are more than what they are.
these fears only well up in me in the dark, when there's no one there but me. and i know it is the enemy, trying his sorry best to distract me from trusting in and hearing from God. trying to trap me into fears he would love to keep me in - because where there is fear, there is bondage.
sometimes i lay awake for what seems like hours, repeating Jesus's name over and over and singing to the Lord in the dark, claiming the God-given authority that i have over the Liar, rebuking evil and keeping my mind stayed on God so that no other thought can enter my head until i fall asleep.
so last night, i'm spending time with my Love, and He leads me to His Word in Psalm 91. i wasn't even searching for that particular book or passage - He led me there.
and this is what He spoke: (this is just verses 1-12 but the bolded parts are what really floored me)
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.i was overwhelmed with amazement. and i wasn't even thinking about all that darkness, 'fraidy-cat stuff at that moment. i wasn't preparing for bed, sleep was hours away. i was chillin. but clearly, God hadn't forgotten about this very thing for which i've prayed. it was as if He sat right there in my living room with me and spoke to my very fears.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him will I trust."
Surely He shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou trust; His truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
Thou shalt not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flieth by day, nor of the pestilence that walketh in darkness, nor of the destruction that layeth waste at noonday.
A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand, but it shall not come nigh thee.
Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
Because thou hast made the LORD, who is my refuge, even the Most High, thy habitation, there shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
For He shall give His angels charge over thee to keep thee in all thy ways.
They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
i don't have to fear the shadows, for i am under the shadow of El Shadday, the Almighty. He has given angels charge over me, and they are at my bedside as i sleep. He is my refuge and in Him i can hide when i'm afraid. and He will deliver me and protect me from the snares of the enemy. what an awesome God i call "Father."
whoever said He doesn't answer prayers just hasn't experienced Him yet.
and many many thanks and gratitude to anyone who may have prayed with me on this also (Ms. A).
love and peace to everyone.
how's the Monday so far?? mine is drowned in coffee already.
perhaps we should pray about that, yes? :-D