riddle me this, batman

why is it that money is so hard to come by, yet it goes away so fast?

sheesh louish.

i got quite a nice sum from these here united states authorities, from taxes and from that rebate jazz.

but now i'm balancing my checkbook and looking at my balance now like, WHERE has all my dinero gone???

i'm not a big shopper - i've only gone shopping ONCE in the last several months, to get much needed spring/summer apparel. but that shouldn't have even put a dent in my "gifts" from the IRS. WHO is stealing all my dough?!

man...does anyone want to hire me to do odd jobs for them? i need more money. quickly.

here's what i can offer:

- i can sing lullabies to your kids (if that doesn't creep you out too much)
- i can sort of sew stuff.
- i can cook (heck, i'll even fry you up a steak, which should warrant extra tips since i'm vegan, right?)
- i type really fast. go on...dictate.
- i hate cleaning with a passion, but i'll do it if the price is right. except your bathroom - you're on your own with that one. but i DO enjoy vacuuming...and i can make those beautiful vacuum lines on the carpet.
- i'm a great listener - need a guidance counselor? i don't have the proper psychology degrees, but if you promise you won't sue for malpractice, then we can pretend i know what i'm talking about (though we both know i don't)
- i'm a good driver (minor "incidents" notwithstanding), if you don't mind the slight touch of road rage and random screaming/slapping the steering wheel when all the bad drivers get on my nerves. so yeah...i can drive you places if you buy the gas
- i'm LOADS of fun - i make a great companion/date if you need a night out on the town! except i don't do clubs - dance nor strip, and i don't do scary and/or illegal things. other than that, almost anything (moral) goes (within reason)


if none of that works for you, how bout writing a letter of recommendation to my boss asking for a hefty raise?