the burning question

yesterday Rob asked me the question that a lot of men have asked me over time, a question that always makes me feel uncomfortable and....embarrassed? i'm not sure what emotion i really feel when asked it, but i do know that i hate the question: "HOW can YOU still be single??"

i guess some could find that flattering, because in essence what it means is "you are a great woman, have a lot of great qualities, why is it that no one has snatched you up and married you yet??"

i don't find the question very flattering though. it bothers me that i'm still single and i wonder when my time is going to come, when my perfect one for me is going to find me. so when people ask me why i'm still single, it puts that reality right in my face. it's nice that men, like Rob, recognize that i have a lot to offer someone. but the fact remains that whether they recognize it or not, i'm still alone.

i know a lot of my singleness stems from my "pickyness," for lack of a better word. no matter how lonely i get, i refuse to settle for just anything or anyone. i certainly have my flaws and faults - i will never pretend to be perfect. but i know my worth. God has begun an awesome work in me, i have a huge heart and a lot of love to give, i have a mind. i have a lot to offer. therefore, i won't just take any old thing that stumbles my way, just to say that i have someone. i'd rather be alone.

that being said, i haven't found "him" yet (or better yet, he hasn't found me). and when people ask me why i'm still single, it makes me feel damaged, like something is wrong with me. Rob even said, "i can't believe you're single...what's wrong with you? the only reason you should be single is if you're crazy or something..." now of course he was joking, and i didn't take offense to the "crazy" part cuz i know i'm not schizo (well, not much anyway). but it did make me feel that sense of self-consciousness, of failure, like everybody and their cousin is either in a relationship or is engaged or is married. but not me - not even close to it. and when people ask me why that is, my only answer is "I haven't found the right one yet" or "God has someone for me, and he'll send him to me when He's ready".

i truly do believe that last part - that God has created someone for me, just as He created me to perfectly fit someone out there. i guess i get down having waited for so long. i trust God and His timing because He knows things that i don't know. He foresees things that i can't. so while i may feel anxious and like i'm ready for that one great love and marriage, God may know better and that the time isn't right. He's molding me into a better person every day, so maybe He's doing the same for that man out there for me.

in the meantime, i'll just have to toughen up my skin when it comes to that question. i'm still single because i'm still single. i'm not a lunatic, i'm not a bad person, i'm not materialistic and waiting for a 6-figure baller. i'm me, flaws and all. and i'm waiting for God to send my husband into my life. i just have to make sure i'm ready to receive him, wherever he is.